life is a rollercoaster where every single second i think i’m at the peak of the mountain. every second i can look back down at the tracks of my past and see the intention overflowing from each moment that has guided me to where i am now. everything i have done has been to get me to this point. but then another second passes and i find i am mistaken. this is it. this is what everything has been for. and then another second. and another. this ride is stuck in a perpetual loop where the destination changes as soon as you arrive there.
these past three months have been coloured by change. so much so that it seems every morning i wake up a new person. new goals, new dreams, new relation to my own being. all i know is that i’m motivated by these ultramarine flames in the pit of my stomach to do what i’m passionate about, and no less. if the rollercoaster was headed east, this month the script flipped to the west.
but drastic change often means that bits of you get swept away in the maelstrom of your existence. i’ve now lost what it meant to wake up to february. i’ve forgotten resolutions whose t’s i crossed as the ball dropped at midnight. there are entire shells of my being cast under my bed that i’ll say i’m too proud to revisit.
constantly shifting means there’s rarely a solid foundation for you to fall back on. sure, you can construct one here but by the time you finish you’ve already moved half way round the world. so where do you go when you need to come back down to earth?
all i know is i’m chasing a feeling. it’s this little niche in my psyche bathed in golden sunlight and lavender and no matter how much i sway in the moonlight it stays more or less the same. i think this is my legend. i think this is where i’m headed.