10:35pm 7 june
all we ever are is all we’ve ever been
I can’t stop thinking about crashing waves
everything’s coming down but in a good way
we build things up just to let them fall
with each breath you die and are reborn
each second is a crashing wave washing away the old and making space for the new
with each breath everything falls down and is rebuilt
I am continually made and remade
I am continually made and remade
10:34 am 8 sept.
the morning never seems
to last long enough
everything gets foggy
once the hand moves past 2
but in the morning the
answers to everything
seem just within reach
a pity there’s such a
narrow window to truth
undated 2
like the water trailing after a ship that soon fades into calm, the past exists and then it doesn’t
the present is all we have
don’t let your experience of this moment be overshadowed by non-existent times
ride with the waves when they come and let them go when they collapse
undated 4
can’t write poetry
but I can try to find
some objective truths
in the glint of morning sun
or the steam coming off your
cup of tea
can’t write poetry
but I can write about
what it feels like
to be
things I have trouble finishing
– Cups of tea
– Books
– Trains of thought
–
21:46, 23:09:17
relics of an old me
trapped in
phrases
places
old perfumes
and old lip balms
movements
and stillness
here a whisper
there it lingers
the shadow of
an old me
forever trailing after
the me of the now
it’s just a day dream
spent a lot of time day dreaming about an apartment in the city. maybe sydney. maybe paris. with hardwood floors and 10 foot ceilings, windows on every wall. exposed brick or maybe off white walls. exposed beams to hang ivy from the ceiling. plants in every corner, candles always burning and a tea pot always boiling.
I’m happy there, but maybe it’s just because it’s not here
maybe it’s because I think sadness grows roots and tethers you to the floor, and if I can leave this place then I can leave the sadness too
it’s just a day dream.
in/complete existence
maybe the search for meaning is the meaning
maybe we’re programmed to run in circles and collect pieces and experiences
and try to tape them together into a being that feels whole
maybe these things will never make us whole
maybe nothing will
maybe being forever incomplete is the meaning of all of this
forever shifting and undefinable
if there was some pre-determined wholeness that we could arrive at then what happens when we get there
would we stop growing, stop expanding, because the fire that motivated us to continually seek meaning in identity is extinguished?
maybe this incessant yearning for wholeness isn’t a question that there exists a finite answer to
maybe it’s a northern star
leading us to where we need to go when we feel lost and empty
lunar soul
I come and go in phases
sometimes complete
and sometimes empty
most of the time
stuck in some limbo
between the two
the moon comes and goes
in phases
continually reborn and
built up and stripped down
and reborn again
never standing still
and constantly shifting;
a lunar soul in a lost girl
7 oct 17 3:38 pm
stop to feel
breathe and heal
inhale exhale
release all stress out
feet grow roots
thoughts are not truths
watch and observe
let them be heard
mind grows still
once you let yourself heal
undated 8
things look most beautiful after a storm
the second after everything collapses
because there’s nothing more you can do
than breathe in and say ‘okay’
this is what has been
now I can focus on what is to come
the thunder has come and gone but I am still here and I always will be
monday 23 oct 17 22:25
reaching for a cup of tea and remembering that you always find home in the calm after the storm
home always exists in stillness
“only transitory”
as if there’s anything more than temporality
as if all thing’s don’t end
as if there’s an infinity
undated 15
searching for the meaning of life is like
trying to see seeing
or trying to hear hearing
you are life
how can life search for life?
it is already within itself and does not need to be sought
contra dictum
mornings are my favourite time
but I always feel real at dusk
always feel renewed at sunset
always feel whole in the moonlight
undated 22
the best moments are when you
forget self
- looking at the sunrise
- standing in the ocean
just being experience
instead of being a self
having an experience
– I think Hume was right, 7 Nov 17, 10:41 am
All this time I thought I had to strive to inhabit my whole self
That when I wasn’t ‘feeling like me’ it was because there was a definitive entity that I was supposed to be yet somehow not quite there at that point in time
But I’ve realised that the times when I feel ‘most like me’ I’m not aware of ‘me’ at all. I’m not trying to embrace a particular conception of ‘me-ness’.
When I feel full I let go of any predetermined idea of personhood.
I let go of self
I’m nothing but experience.
undated 23
sleep in slow motion
falling onto lightness
everything’s still.
untitled
a lot for a while and then not at all
it comes and goes in waves
just praying one day
the motion subsides
and i can rest in
stillness
undated 25
It’s not about feeling whole
It’s about letting go of any idea
That you’re incomplete in this
Moment
You don’t need to strive
To feel whole
You just need to embrace
Self and moment
That’s all there is
So that’s all you need
undated 33
still seeking validation from the ghosts of my past
revisiting old stories and forgetting the painful parts
living life in a daze as time blurs in a mist
convincing myself that parts of me are locked in memories I’ve somehow missed
just trying to make life feel like a frank ocean song
spending most of my days trying to write poetry
feel like life only makes sense in stanzas
always inside my head and I can’t fucking stand it
wish I had the courage to change my life but instead I’m stuck in this place
looking in the mirror and not recognising my own face
don’t realise how sad I am until I pick up the pen, reassuring myself it’ll be better in the end
3(?) 4 dec 17
Always chasing mindsets
But it means I miss the good parts
Don’t know how to accept how I’m feeling in my heart
Don’t know how to reject the resolve that things are sposed to be a certain way
Always chasing mindsets
Chasing routines
Chasing night
Chasing day
11 dec.
jumping off rocks
into the ocean
cups of tea at 3pm
spoon swirling water motion
nostalgic months
windows wide open
head in the clouds
head always in the clouds
turn frank up on the radio
driving routes you don’t know
hoping to find someone on these unfamiliar roads
hoping to find myself on these unfamiliar roads
always take roundabouts too fast but it’s the only way I know
4pm cold cup of tea
fingers wrapped around familiar streets
undated 37
ringing in my ears
haven’t heard silence for months
it’s always silent when you stop putting up a front
short hair pushed behind ears
leaving behind these nostalgic years
running down rivers that lead to nowhere
convincing ourselves we hold no cares
who am I when the lights turn on
makin promises
“I won’t be long”
always there to return to
guess nothings ever really brand new
guess nothin’s ever good enough for you
17 dec
who am I when the lights turn on
gaze following
instagram hollowing
spotlight half life
empty cans inside
pull back the curtain
strip away the paint
bronze model on a pedestal
idealising these people we don’t know
light flicker switch flipper
always a different person when the lights off
22 dec 12:43am
We’re becoming people we don’t know
Just embracing the ebb and the flow
Embracing the questions we don’t know
And the answers that won’t show
My heart!!! Em these are so beautiful!!!
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Oh bless your soul <3333
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